How to deal with Unfit Parents, The Notes I Really Want To Send Home To the Bad Parents of the children in my class
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My History
I have been in education for almost 15 years. During those years I have had my share of wonderful parents who do anything necessary to help support their children and their education. These parents are the ones who always attend parent teacher conferences, help their children with their homework, make sure their children are at school on time and ready to learn, and keep lines of communication open between themselves and the school. On the other hand I have had parents who have absolutely no business being in charge of another human beings life. These are the parents who refuse to take responsibility for their own behavior and the behavior of their children, They are the ones that blame the teacher, other students, or the school for the problems or issues that their child is having. The ones that want to know what so and so did in order to make their child act the way they did. The ones that never return notes or phone calls, and don't help their children with their homework.
These are the notes that I have WANTED to send home to those parents-but couldn't. The notes that actually address the problems of the parents-not their children. The notes that I will send home-once I win the powerball jackpot and don't have to worry about losing my job.
The Importance of a Good Nights Sleep
Dear Mr. N, Your son did not have a good day at school today. In fact he hasn't had a good day in a long time. Perhaps it is because you have kept him up every night with your loud music and pot parties. He comes to school and is unable to do anything but sleep. I appreciate you having him tested for allergies and as you can see by the results of his testing he is allergic to cannabis-perhaps you don't know what that is so I will inform you. In lay-men's terms he is allergic to pot so please when you decided to fire up a blunt make sure your son is not in the room.
Pick Up Procedures
Dear Ms. K, Please begin staying in your car and using the drive-up lane when you pick B. up from school. Your choice in clothing is causing undue embarrassment to your child, her impressionable friends, and the school staff. Speaking on behalf of the staff, after a long day at work none of us wish to view your camel toe, gunt, and saggy cleavage. If you decide to begin wearing clothing that actually fits you instead of being 3 times too small feel free to resume getting out of your car and walking over to the pick-up lane to retrieve B.
A side note, when you tell B. not to tell me something, as you did with your incident the other morning when you showed your boobs to a police officer to avoid getting a ticket, rest assured she will tell me in great detail.
Your Child's Education
Dear Mr. & Mrs. E., Please homeschool your son J.. He has absolutely no interest in learning anything that is being taught in my classroom. Perhaps it is because although he is able to speak English, he has no desire to read or write it. I believe this is because after of 10 years of being in the country neither of you read, write, or speak English and have shown absolutely no desire to learn. By not trying to assimilate into the American culture and learn the language you have shown your son that knowing English is not important. I will be sure to have this note translated into Spanish for you-but I am unsure at this time if you can read Spanish either so I will not expect you to sign and return it to me.
Parenting Advice
Dear Ms. P., I am deeply disturbed by a conversation that I had with your son G.'s special education teacher. She informed me that you told her that you are trying to get pregnant. She also said you said that although you already have 5 children (all of whom have various learning, social, and behavioral challenges-and none of whom have the same father) you hope you can "GET IT RIGHT THIS TIME AND HAVE ONE NORMAL KID". Need I remind you that your youngest child is still in the local psychiatric center after burning down the apartment complex you lived in? Need I also remind you that you do not have a job and live on public assistance and social security (that you receive because of your "special" children). I would like to suggest that rather than get pregnant you take parenting classes and get a job.
Please don't wear you kitty shirt on school grounds
Dear Ms. S. today when you picked your daughter V up from school I noticed that you were wearing a very interesting shirt about cats. I know that you haven't been in our country long and don't speak much English so I would like to let you know that it is highly inappropriate to wear a shirt that has "WHAT KIND OF PUSSY DO YOU LIKE?" written on the front to an elementary school. I understand that some people see humor in the different types of pussy your shirt lists: shaved, tight, black, white, furry, bald, yellow, smelly-but please do not wear this shirt on school grounds again as we are unprepared to answer the questions the children who see your shirt might ask us.
Please Provide Contact Information
Dear Mr. R., I would like to request that you provide a working phone number to the school when you return from your 'vacation'. Had we had a working phone number it would not have been necessary to call the police in an attempt to locate you when T was hurt on the playground and had to be taken to the hospital. Had the police not gone to your apartment attempting to locate you they probably would not have discovered your meth lab.
Not In My Job Description
Dear Ms.German. Please tell your son that I checked and SUCKING HIS BALLS is not in my job description. I checked with our individual school, the school district, and the state department of education to see if I possibly missed this job requirement when signing my contract-and I can conclusively say that it is simply not there. I have enclosed a copy of our districts teacher's requirements for you to go over with your fifth grade son as he sits home with you during the next week, there will be a quiz when he is allowed to return to my classroom after his return to school.
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It's very sad that we live in a society where people take better care of their pets than they do their children.
So sad...and one would think that having children finally teaches one how to be less selfish and more responsible. Some people will never learn much, no matter what.
My mother and several others in our family are teachers. I hear them say exactly this, and I am 100% certain that every one of them would like to write these notes several times every year. Sure makes a strong case for reversble sterilization at birth. You have to get a license to turn your baby makers on, after you have proven you can take care of yourself. :) (I don't really believe we should do that, but it does make a case for it.)
It really is disheartening seeing what some of the children have to put up with at home. Parents are their greatest examples/role-models and to see them not take their responsibility seriously is just sad.
This is humorous and sad at the same time. I feel terrible for the children, but your rant was enjoyable. :)
While I find some of your letters funny (I even laughed out loud at the "Pick up Procedures" letter, I find the "assimilation" portions of this post to be offensive. I cannot imagine moving to country where I did not know the language or have family or friends to help me while I learned to speak/read/write it. Have you tried to learn another language? People spend YEARS in school learning a second language. Now imagine trying to learn the language while working two jobs and caring for your children in a new land with no help. It occurs to me that some of these parents are just trying to survive and on their list of priorities, learning English takes a backseat to providing food, clothing and shelter for their children. It can be frustrating but imagine the good you could do by being understanding and perhaps offering to help them learn.
Oh my...this was hilarious and heartbreaking at the same time.
I love this article...I am a teacher and there have been plenty of times that I wanted to say something to parents that I could not. The sad part is how careless and idiotic parents can be when it comes to there children. I'm not saying parents should not make mistakes but I would think some things would be common sense. I understand that having children is a natural God given right, but that does not mean that everyone should reproduce. It takes more work to get a job or driver's license than it does to create and be responsible for a life.
Thank you for your comments sunny and contrice. Contrice I would add a big AMEN to your comment!!
Thank you for your Hub!!! Hopefully someone, somewhere will sit up and take notice of exactly what we are teaching the young people of today. If the parents would put down the ganja, GROW UP and lose the selfishness, maybe their eyes would be opened to the monsters they are creating, then wanting to blame society for the creatures the children have become.
I have an article that I wrote a couple of years ago regarding the children that I have observed as a parent, I wish I could link it to HubPages!!
I absolutely love this hub! I appreciate hubpages for your opportunity to speak your heart about terrible parents. I wish there was a way to get this article recognized on national news or Good Morning America or even the View. I feel your frustration, and I bet it was helpful to express your feelings in this manner, but I know the true relief would be to actually send the notes and have those parents take heed to the message without retaliating!
Sweetsusie and Granny, I appreciate your comments and as a new year is beginning I am sure that I will be at least one letter writing situation before May. I need to add though-there are more good parents than bad out there-and I truly appreciate the parents who put their children first and do what they can to help see that their child is educated and is raised in a positive loving environment.
CP-I am sorry but I feel that the assimilation letter was one of my best and I take your being offended by it as being a compliment. And you need to be INFORMED about what I do and don't do to help the parents of ALL of my students before you make the assumption that I don't do anything. Secondly yes, I have had to learn a second language SO I CAN COMMUNICATE WITH THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE COME TO THIS COUNTRY AND REFUSE TO LEARN THE OFFICIAL LANGUAGE!
very good hub...check my hub at http://hubpages.com/hub/troubled-kids-parenting-ti and give your views.
My mother was a nurse and dealt with such parents. Many people are just too unfocused and have other issues to be parents. I believe that being a parent is a privilege and not a right! Good article, well said. I just wanted to add that it takes an adult to be a parent. Yes, adult-mature, calm, rational, and extremely focus. Many adults are childish in mannerisms and behavior and should not become parents at all. Thank you.
I agree with a lot of what you say here and found myself smiling more than once. The videos, however, were nothing to laugh at (BTW, the first one doesn't work anymore). I found myself crying at the last one. I have a six year old daughter, and what happened to that beautiful little girl made me think of her.
I would like to say though that a teacher's opinion is not infallible. I've always been very involved in my children's education. I think it's very important for them to do well so that they can get that headstart on becoming whatever they want to be as adults.
My son was in preschool for two years because of concerns about his speech progress (despite me working with him, he had more trouble than the average child his age in communicating). I fought for him to get speech services before he fell behind. His kindergarten and first grade teacher was on board in helping me get what he needed. Then we moved to a new school.
The 2nd grade teacher made things very difficult. She kept insisting that my son had ADHD. I told her that while I was sure that he had some problems in class, it had to do with communication and anxiety (he was getting bullied by another child) than it did with hyperactivity. I was pressured constantly to put him on medication. I was told that if I didn't do something other than what I was doing that he would never make it in Junior High.
The file that went with my son to 3rd grade made that teacher look for problems. Though my son's IEP clearly stated that he should get his instructions separate from the class (because he has central auditory processing disorder) the teacher refused to take the extra minute to do this and would complain when my son wasn't on task. He took more time in chastising my son (only to find out that he didn't understand what he was supposed to do) than he would have just giving him his instructions before sitting at his desk.
Fourth, Fifth and Sixth grades were all great. Each one helped him to improve before beginning the next. These teachers actually listened to me and agreed that my son was not ADHD. He was never jumping around or causing trouble. His biggest problem was in starting an assignment if he didn't understand the instructions. He had to learn that it was ok to ask the teacher for help if he didn't get it and they wouldn't get upset with him as his two previous teachers did.
He's now in 7th grade, an avid reader (above grade level!) and he's made high honor roll for first term and I'm sure he will again for the 2nd. I almost want to send that 2nd grade teacher a copy of his report card and tell her "in your face!"
There's been no talk in several years about my son having ADHD. He does still have some issues with communication, but we work with him on improving his listening and comprehension skills. The hardest thing for him is shutting out all the surrounding noises.
I guess my point here in sharing all of this is that I'm sure that teacher wanted to send me a note in the same style as the one you have here. But I'm not an uninvolved, clueless parent. I love my children and want to give them every chance to succeed, but I'm not going to be quick to label them and give them unnecessary medication for a disorder they don't have. I want to get down to the root of what's really going on and find the right fix that will help long term.
I think sometimes, with the large class sizes and the strict curriculum, some students can get lost. If parents and teachers could work together, without judgement, this would make things go a lot smoother.
I'm not saying that you're like that. I'm just saying that, in my case at least, sometimes it's a failure to understand what's going on with the child and a quick judgement is made without all the facts.
I do respect teachers though. It's a hard job that's very underappreciated. I plan to be one in the future though, even knowing that! :)
This was a fun read! I'd like to see the reactions of some of those parents if you ever did win the lottery and send those notes! Hah!
P.S. Sorry about my unintentional hub-within-a-hub! LOL
Nell79-I want you to know that I understand exactly what you are talking about. I also want you to know that I feel strongly that not all teachers belong in a classroom-there are those that are just not cut out for the profession. To be a teacher you need to love your job and love your students-even when it's hard. Your experience shows that there are more good teachers out there than bad ones-but I would be the first to say that if you feel that your child and his teacher aren't a good fit you need to move him out of that classroom- and you are right about class sizes and teachers and parents working together, I agree totally with you. I wish that all of my parents were like you, but the reality of the situation is that some aren't. There are just some people out there who aren't mature enough to take care of themselves let alone a child.
mikicagle, this is a great hub! Sadly, there are people who are not parent material. Those are the parents who believe that the school has the sole responsibility of teaching their children. These parents do not believe that it their duty to educate their children. These parents view their children as appendages to do with them as they will. Parent is not a right but a privilege! Great and educational hub!
gmwlliams thanks for your feedback. i agree with you, parenting is a privilege and not a right.
I can tell by your hub there are more stories. My sister is a bus driver and has a son with bone disease and will not come get him from the bus or let the my sister know she is home by at least going to the window.
Not able to leave the other children my sister blows the hour several times and then she comes out and screams in front of the whole bus. My sister later on let this woman know what the proper procedures for dropping of a 4 year old is and how she could be in trouble for several occasions of not being ready to retrieve her child. The proper procedure would be taking the child back and make a call and writing a report.
The lady is now more efficient but I believe she is unfit inside the home. Your hub is a wake up call for many people I should have my sister slip your url in as a note to his mother. Thanks for this hub!
Hi, what a great (and sad) hub. It would be great if you did a hub on what is now called "the helicopter parent" and it's effects on the child. Vote up, and thanks for being an observant teacher, there are so few who would go as far to even write a hub on it.
SingingLady-I am glad that your sister stood up for the child in question-she needs a pat on the back. Katharella thanks for your comment-I am going to research helicopter parents when I get home this evening so look for a hub on that subject soon.
I relate to SingleLady's story myself! My son at age 4 was dropped off with no horn either! I heard a little knocking at the back door and I ran back real quick to see what it was and it was MY 4YR OLD SON!!! Needless to say yes I had words with the driver, and on days it wasn't raining or too cold, we just took nice walks to school! Then the teacher ended up asking me to stay and help lol! The state wouldn't pay for her an assistant, so I gladly did! It taught my son as well, as an only child he still had to share mommy so a little boy whose mom wouldn't come for him to be "child of the day" and wear a button, and be first in line for everything, and turn over the calendar day, that I still did it for him, but we wanted little "G" :) to be able to be child of the day too! He agreed, but it took a few times, and a few *winks* from mom, then he got it, he also leaned never to make fun of any kids that had less than him. Sometimes just trying to teach them by words isn't enough. Not everyone had doting grandparents or mommies that came to school! It all worked out, but I'll always wonder what happened with that little one!
On Helicopter mom's, as a teacher I hope you find some facts that make a great hub. I just "unfriended" a friendship of 24 years because she turned into this person and admitted she embarrassed her teen age daughters ALL the time. Even going as far as to not letting them have much to eat because she's made them "body conscious" as her eldest daughter of 24 is quite overweight and does little to care for herself, not clean, but her younger two, I could see it in their faces they are nervous around her, they have to lie to her, and well, things I shouldn't say except in private but as a teacher I'd like to make you aware of if you've not noticed it or seen it before. I can see the devastation it's causing so if you'd like to get a winded-read I would really like ALL teachers to be enlightened of this. Maybe even brought up to other teachers or notice at meetings, people can fool you if you don't know what to look for, because it does lead back to drug abuse, and forcing them into having to sneak and lie, in order to JUST BE NORMAL KIDS. They also are too quick to monitor sexual behavior they're not ready to know of, and are given too much information. But I don't believe I should be put out here publicly, but someone like you as a teacher, would know more how to make a good hub about making it equal out in what to look for and what not to worry about, there maybe children you're caught up in negative behavior that blinds you to the over protector. Feel free to write if you'd like to know parts that should not be public that might be helpful. itsmekat@aol.com
p.s. Your hubs are very insightful! Thank you for making people aware! I too don't like the ones who laugh at their little ones bad words. I'm glad they post them though, because it can get CPS on them to straighten that right out! So I'm all for them posting it! (for that reason, save a child now, so their futures can be brighter) :)
Sadly this is so true, I know a parent that is on so many medications she applies many of the mentioned actions. She lives in a world of denial and believes she is doing fine. The kids are totally out of control and I fear will be serious trouble as they get older.
I am a recovering drug addict, clean for 4 years, sober for 3. I partly agree with everything you are saying here. However, "some people just shouldnt be aloud to have kids". Sorry, but I dont think everyone had children intentionally. Maybe all of you chose when to have your kids, but it doesn't work that way for most people in the lower income bracket. My mother was a hoverer. Which led me to drug abuse in my early adulthood. Then I had a child of my own before I was ready. My daughter is now 3 and I do not have her. I am clean and taking care of myself now and am actually responsable and have become what one would call "normal" Im fighting to get her back, however, she is with MY mother, the one who caused my problem.
I guess my point is being judgemental isn't helpful. You can only be a victim as long as you dont know your a victim, once you find out you no longer can be one. Alot of people still havent't realized their faults, but I believe that people are good deep down and that there is hope for them. I think alot of those people you are judging as bad parents are actually doing the best they can right now, one day they will be able to do better. When I was using, I didn't wamt to, I tried my very best to quit on my own. I couldn't. I needed help. Which is what these parents in question need, once they can see that they can not do it alone. You can help them realize it, but it takes a gentle approach, IMHO
Great hub, enjoyed reading it very much! I have originally went to college to become a teacher and worked as a substitute for several years. Your article has so much truth in it!
Good job and good luck with your students.
This was hilarious, but oh so sad at the same time. The unfortunate truth is some people just aren't fit to be parents.
By the way, I'd give anything to find a way for you to send these letters and keep your job, if I could see the faces of the parents when they read them. ;3
Bravo! I've seen all of this too working with families at preschool. So funny yet so sad these issues even happen!
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Ivorwen Level 1 Commenter 2 years ago
There are a few note I would like to write too. It is so unfortunate for the children who have no one who really loves them. No one who will discipline themselves enough to help the children learn.